November 25, 2014

Kissing my husband goodbye is a full-contact sport.

(... And not in the way you may think it is. This is a revised retelling of a previously published story. Enjoy!)

Hubs and I will never be the couple who wake up, eat breakfast and walk out the door together. Like, never. He works in shifts. I have a regular 9 to 5. When one of us is up and ready for the day, the other is likely still half asleep, sprawled over onto the now-vacant other side of the bed.

A couple days ago, I tiptoed into our bedroom to put on my wedding rings and to kiss Hubs goodbye. He worked an evening shift so I was extra quiet. Cherishing the moment, I touched his head before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek when HE BURST AWAKE, LAUNCHED HIS BODY UP, FLAILED HIS ARMS AROUND AND SMACKED ME IN THE FACE.

Mumbling something about "catching the bad guys," he quickly smothered me into a weird bear-hug type deal, apologizing profusely and asking what he did. My glasses dug into my head at an uncomfortable angle and I was stunned, uncertain whether to laugh, cry or smack him back.

As soon as I untangled myself from the uncomfortable and slightly suffocating hug, Hubs turned over and fell back asleep like he didn't just wallop his wife in the face. Turning on my heels and stifling giggles, I beelined it to the bathroom to see if this bizarre encounter left any discernible marks.

When I returned home that night, Hubs gave me a quizzical look. "What happened this morning?"

I filled him in. He remembered nothing. Nothing. We laughed, I cried (kidding) and then he suggested I gently push him before saying goodbye. We laughed even more. There's no way that'd be helpful. It'd only make things worse!

The next morning, I opted out of the pre-kiss push. As I peered at him through the dark, the whites of his eyes gleamed back at me. He smirked. I asked if he needed a shove.

He laughed. And launched himself up off the bed in an act of faux-surprise just like he did on that fateful morning. Exactly when my guard went down.

So I shoved him.


  1. hahaha. I will never stop finding this story funny! Well written! :)


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