January 30, 2012

Oversharing is not always caring.

I spend nearly every Saturday rolling out of bed, into my gym clothes and out the door to a spin class. I'd like to think it always progresses that smoothly. Often it doesn’t. 

After I adjust my seat and handlebars to their proper-for-me height and begin pedalling to warm up, I survey the class and its cast of characters.

Like, Old Guy. He smugly announced he’s taking the class to get himself back into the shape he was last spring. I’m sure he shows up at least 20 minutes early to start spinning and ends about 20 minutes after the rest of us leave. He may be better known as Smug Old Guy.

Or, Uber-Fit Girl.  She furiously pumps her arms whenever she’s seated upright and not holding the handlebars. UFG also makes the most of every over-heated opportunity to lift enough of her shirt to reveal her chiseled six-pack. Ugh. 

Then there’s Surprisingly Sporty Lady who shows up faithfully each week. Sometimes she’s accompanied by her significant other, Mildly Leering Husband. He got that name because I see him sneaking peeks when Uber-Fit Girl partially lifts her shirt.

But, my favorite attendee in all the spin classes I’ve attended?

Asian Narcissistic Pre-Pubescent.

His name, though bulky, was easy to create because
  1. He’s Asian.
  2. He spends much of the class watching himself in all the mirrors. Sometimes, like Mildly Leering Husband, he's ogling the ladies. But, most of the time, he looks at himself. Every so often he contorts his face in such a way that proves this to be a fact.
  3. He approached me at the end of a class and tried to start a conversation with “I guess I should’ve worn a bra” while pointing to his white shirt, which was nearly translucent as a result of the copious amount of fluid he sweat out during class. It didn't work. I was speechless, trying to choke back laughter and hide my horrified expression. 
Permanent note to everyone (including myself):  Reconsider oversharing. Although the awkward moments can easily be moved past, they may forever be commemorated on someone's blog.

8 comments:

  1. I laughed out loud when I read the words 'Asian Self-Love Pre-Pubescent'.

    That sentence might get your blog put on a government watch list.

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  2. I don't think Mark will appreciate being called "Smug Old Guy" ;) lol...

    Back in college, a neighbour and I used to name the people that lived in our building. A few I'll always remember: Boat-man (huge, seriously old brown car) and "Skanky Jean Shorts Dude" (need I say more?)

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  3. Um... I hate to say this but the word verification tool attached do your blog doesn't use real words. (comis? mundse?) As a writer, does this bother you? ;)

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  4. ANPP - hilllllarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Loved this.

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  5. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  6. Thanks all!

    Maul - I'm glad you enjoyed the original. Changed it up to avoid any government lists - and sketchy Google searches.


    Natasha - Unless Mark has VERY rapidly aged, I don't think he has to worry. And I didn't know that they weren't real words. Can it be changed?

    Mary - Glad you enjoyed it!!!

    Laura - Love it.

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  7. Thank you for not using the phrasing "self love," or else I'd be on my work computer's watchlist, as well. For various reasons. Don't Google that.

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  8. You're welcome, Josh. I'm not about to Google online - I did it in my mind and came up with many terrible options.

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